Title: The Decepticon Mary Sue Test
Author: Koi Lungfish
Disclaimer: Based on characters and situations from The Transformers ((c) 1986 Hasbro, Ltd). Used without permission. Text (c) 2004, Koi Lung Fish (Mark of Lung. All Rights Reserved.)
Subject: We've all seen Mary Sue Litmus Tests before. This test is different. This isn't a test for humans writing fanfic about Transformers. This is a test for Decepticons writing fics about their comrades, their commanders and their heros. This is, in short, the Mary Sue Test for Decepticon Realpeople Fic. Enjoy or suffer :)
    Score points as directed. Double points for any twins, trine-mates or quint-mates with the same attributes. Triple if they were "specially created" to be different. Multiply by number of components if your character is, or becomes part of, a gestalt.

    DESIGNATION:

  • Is your character named after yourself or your WorldNet alias? Automatic fail!
  • Is your character's name an unusual spelling of a more impressive name or word? +1
    • Of your name? +1
    • Of a High Commander's name? +2
  • Is your character a mech with a female-style name? +2
  • If a femme, does your character have a feminised version of a High Commander's name? +2
  • Any variation on Mega- Star- Shock- / -tron -scream - wave? +3
  • Any variation on Prime? +4
  • Does he write the name as if it were comprised from two separate names, i.e. StarWave? +2
  • Does he have a long title like "emperor of destruction"? +3
  • Does he get constantly mocked for it? -1
  • Does your character have a name he chose for himself, because he "didn't want to forget"? +1
  • A word not normally used for a name, like "peace" or "charity"? +1
  • Does your character have a really cool name that you wish you had? +1
  • Have you considered changing your name to that of your character's? +2
  • Did your commanding officer slap you upside the head when you mentioned the idea? +2
  • Is your character's name in Primaltongue, Ancient Autobot, Ancient Decepticon or any other ancestral language? +1
    • Is it in Builder-tongue? +2
    • Is it in an Earthen language? +2
    • Is it a human name, like Amber or Duke? +2
    • Is it one of those human names that don't actually mean anything, like Robert or Lucinda? +3
  • Do you read Earth data-files looking for the right name? +1

    CREATION:

  • Does your character have a twin/trine-mates/quint-mates? +1 for each. Double points if the characters are or become a gestalt.
  • Do they communicate telepathically? +2
  • Does one of them die at the hands of the Autobots? +2 for each.
  • Does this motivate your character to become the most ruthless killer in the Decepticon Battle Fleet? +2
  • Does he become one of the Ten Deadliest Killers? +3
  • Does he kill Macabre to make the grade? +1

  • Was your character created by the Constructicons? +1
  • Was your character created by someone in High Command? +1
    • To overthrow someone else on the High Command? +2
    • To overthrow Shockwave or Starscream? +3
    • To overthrow Megatron? +5
    • Does he succeed? +10 and dream on.
  • Because he had a good plan? -5 and please send me the details.
  • Because he had incredible powers? +10 and an automatic fail. You're hopelessly deluded.

  • Was your character created by Starscream? +2
  • Is he faster or a better flier than Starscream? +3
  • Was this intentional? +5

  • Is your character the last of the Liege line? +1
  • Does he spend most of the story trying to pretend he isn't? +1
  • Because otherwise he's going to get pulverised? -1

  • Did your character kill and replace his creator? +1
    • Was his creator mad? +2
    • Was his creator mad because the Great Devourer instilled the designs into his brain so he could create your character? +3
    • Because Primus did it? +3
    • Because Primus wanted to create a Decepticon matrix-bearer? +4 and Thunderwing wants a word with you.
    • Because Primus wanted to give him the Decepticon Matrix? +10 and your divisional commander wants a word with you.

  • Was he created by Megadeath? +1
    • By Thunderwing? +1
    • Did he get a Pretender shell on creation? +2
    • Is it more powerful than Thunderwing's? +3
      • Than Starscream's? +4

  • Was your character created by Autobots? +1
    • By Autobot commanders? +2
  • To be a new breed of super-warrior? +1
  • To be their last hope against the Decepticons? +2
  • Does he betray them? 0 if he does, +10 and request recommended educational viewing materials from stores if he doesn't.
    • After his first battle? +1
    • After his first battle with a High Commander? +2
    • After fighting Megatron? +3
    • Because Megatron pounded him into a small pile of scrap and offered him the choice of betrayal or death? -3 because it's the right choice to make.

  • Was you character created by Primus? +3
  • Directly from the substance of Cybertron? +2
  • With the Decepticon Matrix? +10 and your psychiatric supervisor wants a word with you.

  • Was your character created the Great Devourer? +3
  • Out of pure energy? +2
  • With the Decepticon Matrix? +10 and a containment team is already heading your way.

  • Does your character have a clone or an identical twin? +1
    • Is he your character's skivvy and grovelling servant? +1
    • Even though he gets slapped around like a second-in-command? +2
  • Is he your character's greatest rival in the army? +2
    • His nemesis in the enemy army? +3
    • Does every battle scene lead to a confrontation between the two? +1
    • Do all the scenes read the same because of this? +1
  • Does your character's nemesis try to persuade him to defect? +2
    • Does he? +3
  • Does your character's nemesis act as if he's "reading his mind"? +2
    • Is he? +3
  • Does your character eventually defeat and destroy his nemesis? +1
    • At the climax of the story? +1
    • Because your character was able to access a hitherto-unknown power circuit? +2
    • Because of really underhanded cheating? -1
    • Because Megatron intervened? +3
    • Did you write a post-battle scene where your character talks about how his dead nemesis will "always be a part of him"? +1
      • Should his comrades have shot him on the spot for that? +2
      • Did they? -1
      • Did Megatron? -3

  • Does you character appear out of nowhere? +1
    • In the middle of a battle? +1
    • Which the Decepticons were losing? +2
    • Which he single-handedly wins? +2
  • Does your character not remember his past? +1
  • Because his mind's been wiped? +2
    • By aliens? +2
    • By humans? +3
    • Because he had to burn out his brain module to break free of someone else's control? +3

  • Was your character created as a slave-machine? +1
    • Created as a neutral? +1
    • Created as an Autobot? +2
    • Created as a non-sentient mechanism on an alien world? +3
    • Created as a non-sentient mechanism on an alien world on a world where machines are considered lower than organics? +4
    • Created on Earth? +5

  • Is your character a mercenary? +1
    • Is he not from Cybertron? +1
    • Built during the reign of the Builders? +2
    • Lost for millions of years? +1
    • Has he wandered the universe looking for Cybertron? +2
    • Has he wandered the universe looking for "something"? +3
    • Is he more powerful than the entire High Command, despite being an antiquated museum piece? +10 and dream on, idiot.
  • Can he transform, even though he was built before the War? +2
  • Can he multi-change, even though he wasn't built by Shockwave? +2

  • Was your character the sole survivor of a calamity? +1
    • Sole survivor because he slaughtered an invading force? +1
    • Sole survivor because the Decepticons were so impressed by his fighting prowess they invited him to join up? +2
    • Sole survivor of a calamity he caused to destroy his organic "masters"? +1
  • Does your character suffer wracking guilt? +1
    • Because he was built neutral? +1
    • Because he was built Autobot? +3
  • Do his comrades eventually convince him that guilt is a worthless emotion? +2

    PERSONALITY:

  • Is your character:
    • Braver than Thrust? +1
      • Than Frenzy? +2
    • More of a joker than Apeface? +1
      • Than Skywarp? +2
    • Crazier than Weirdwolf? +1
      • Than Wildrider? +2
    • Lazier than Snapdragon? +1
    • Dirtier than Horri-bull? +1
      • Than Skalor? +2
      • Than Blot? +3
    • A better technician than Needlenose? +1
      • Than the Constructor Squad? +2
      • Than the Constructicons? +3
    • Sneakier than Ravage? +2
    • Tougher than Ruckus? +1
    • Than Motormaster? +2
    • A better tactician that Onslaught? +2
    • Nastier than Hun-Grr? +1
    • More mercenary than Shrapnel? +1
    • More ruthless than Snaptrap? +2
    • More patient than Razorclaw? +2
    • More blood-thirsty than Blugeon? +2
    • More obsessive than Thunderwing? +2
    • More sadistic than Megadeath? +2
    • More brutal than Straxus? +2
    • More intelligent than Shockwave? +3
    • More ambitious than Starscream? +3
    • More treacherous than Starscream? +3
      • Both? +5

  • Does your character treat his comrades like slag? +1
    • Treat his superiors like slag? +2
    • Treat High Commanders like slag? +3
    • Get away with it? +4
    • Get trashed for it? -2

  • Does your character crawl obsequiously to anyone of higher rank? +1
    • Are they impressed by this? +2

    PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS:

  • Is your character a femme? +1
  • Does she have to work twice as hard to get accepted by other Decepticons? +2
  • Is she an out-and-out killing machine? +3
  • Is she the Nightbird? +3

  • Is your character unusually aesthetically appealing? +1
  • Because he was specifically designed to be beautiful? +2
  • Does this cause your character to have "a commanding aura"? +3
  • Do other characters feel jealous of or intimidated by your character's beauty? +3
  • Is your character so beautiful the Autobots won't attack him/her? +4

  • Are your character's optics an unusual colour? [i.e. not standard red] +1
    • Are yours the same colour? -1
    • Autobot blue? +2
    • Does he get beaten up because of it? -1
  • Do his optics change colour? +1
    • When he powers up? +2
    • Gets angry? +2
    • For no reason? +3

  • Does your character have human-style pupils? +1
    • That expand and contract a lot, human-style? +2
    • Do other characters find this exciting despite the fact that it's an inferior function? +3

  • Does your character have any of the following organic attributes:
    • Hair? +1
    • Ears? +1
    • Toes? +1
    • Nails? +1
    • Nostrils? +2
    • Eyelashes? +2
    • Earwax? -1
    • Breasts? +3
    • Genitalia? +5
    • Other unmentionable squishy parts? +1 for each organ.
  • Does your character breathe? +1
    • Sufficiently to drown? +1
    • Sufficiently to almost drown but be rescued in the nick of time by his target-of-affection? +5
    • Sufficiently like an organic to have steam-breath in cold weather? +2
  • Does your character's target-of-affection find this romantic? +3

  • Is your character part synthetic organic? +1
  • Is your character part *real* organic? +3 and you're disgusting.
  • Does your character go into tedious detail about the advantages of organic parts? +1
  • Does he get beaten into a bloody pulp by other characters because of this? -1
  • Do you go into intense detail as to why your character hasn't been erased from existence? +2

  • Is your character obviously physically modelled on a High Commander? +1
  • Modelled on a High Commander in order to attract and manipulate them? +2
  • Is your character an exact replica of someone whom he was intended to replace? +2
    • Is it Starscream? +3
    • Is he given away because he's too loyal? +1
    • Is he NOT given away because he's too loyal? +5

  • Does your character have:
    • Unusually large/sleek/upswept wings? +1
      • Are the Seekers jealous? +2
    • An oversized integral blaster? +1
      • Is he named after it? +2
      • Are gun-cons jealous? +3
      • Is Megatron jealous? +4 and you're overcompensating.

  • Does your character have wings even though his alt-mode isn't flight-capable? +1
  • Is your character surprisingly sleek and free of alt-mode parts in bipedal mode? +1
  • Do you spend long megacycles designing more and more transformations for your character? +2
  • Does he look like a demented pile of scrap? -1
  • Does he transform by "magic"? +1
  • Is this anything to do with Earth? +2
  • Is one of his alt-modes an organic creature? +1
    • An Earth creature? +2
    • A blue gryphon? +3

  • Is your character a triple-changer? +2
    • A six-changer? +3
    • Is Sixshot in awe of him? +4
  • Does Shockwave introduce him as his "newest and greatest creation"? +1
  • If a multi-changer, was he created by someone other than Shockwave? +2
    • Was he created by aliens? +3
    • The Builders? +4
    • Humans? +5

  • Does your character have some strange marking which you do not share, such as:
    • A semi-obliterated Autobrand? +1
    • Facial hair? +1
    • Is your character part-Junkion? +1
    • Scarred carapace? +1
    • Marred energy-fields? +2
    • An unusual radar signature not correspondent to their physical shape? +1
      • Does this have nothing to do with their powers? +2
  • Do you go into tedious detail about why this hasn't been built out? +2
  • Because he "wants to remember"? +3

  • Do you spend long paragraphs describing your character? +1
    • Every time he walks past something reflective? +2
  • Do you begin the story with his description? +1

  • Is your character unusually tall? +1
  • Does this impress his superiors? +1
  • For no reason other than his size? +2
  • Even if they could rightfully tear him to shrapnel? +2

  • Does your character have a flaw-which-is-not-a-flaw such as:
    • Madness? +1
    • A subtle flaw in an otherwise perfect form, i.e. wings slightly too wide? +1
    • A subfunctional sense i.e. lack of vision, which means all his other senses are super- keen? +1
    • Has he got a good reason for not being in the spooks because of this? +2

  • Is your character a Targetmaster? +1
    • A double Targetmaster? +2
  • Does he have more firepower than Shockwave in gun-mode? +2
    • Than Megatron? +3

  • Is your character a Powermaster? +1
    • A combining Powermaster? +2
  • Is his combiner-partner also his twin? +3

  • Is your character a Headmaster? +1
    • A Brainmaster? +1
    • Someone else's head? +2
    • A city-con's head? +3
  • Is his head a Nebulan? +1
    • A micromaster? +1
    • An alien? +2
    • A human? +3
  • Does your character's head know ancient organic lore? +1
    • Secret martial disciplines? +1
    • "Magic"? +2
    • All three? +5

  • Does your character have any of the following abilities:
    • Machine control +1
    • Telepathy +3
    • Teleportation +4
      • Double your points if your character was accidentally repaired using Skywarp's spare parts.
    • Telekinesis +5
    • Hyperspeed +2
      • Double your points if your character doesn't have a space-vehicle alt-mode.
      • Can your character ignore the problems of the atmosphere catching fire around them at high speed? +2
      • Is this a power of theirs? +3
    • Dimension jumping +3
    • Matrix compatibility +3
    • Time-travel +2
    • Precognition +2
    • Visions +3
      • Are they sent by Primus? +3
      • The Great Devourer? +3
      • The Builders? +4
      • All three? +5 and consider yourself failed unless you are Mindwipe.
    • Ability to communicate with lower mechanoids such as petrorabbits +2
      • With organics +3
      • Even the ones that aren't sapient +4
    • An extremely powerful ability that they didn't previously know they had +2
      • That they discover at the last minute +3
      • And destroy the Autobots with +4
      • And it uses up a lot of fuel or blows most of his internal components +2
    • Does your character then get up and use this special power again and again, with less effort each time? +2
      • Does it kill your character? -3 and get your priorities straight.
      • Does he get a marker placed in the Hall of Heroes? +5 and you have to come back alive to get one of those, you fool.
      • Does your character's creator/bond-mate/trine-mates/gestalt-mates/target-of- affection travel into the Matrix to bring you back to life? +3
      • Was Primus so impressed that he sends your character back himself? +5 and consider yourself failed.
      • Does he give your character a new body and new troops to command? +10 and consider yourself deluded.
    • All of the above? + 100 and give up, you're a hopeless case.

  • Can your character do all the things Monitors can do, but doesn't need to link into a watchtower to do it? +1
    • Without ever using a control rig, ever at all? +2
  • Was your character created by a Monitor? +1
    • Shockwave? +2
  • To inherit his Sector? +3
    • To conquer someone else's Sector? +3
    • To replace Shockwave? +4
  • If your character was created by Shockwave, does he have multi-change or Monitor abilities? +3
  • Does he NOT have multi-change or Monitor abilities, yet Shockwave still considers him his finest creation? +3

    SKILLS:

  • What sort of fighting skills does your character have?
    • He's been through basic training 0
    • He's been a gladiator +1
      • Did he ever fight against Stranglehold? +2
      • Did he ever fight against Megatron? +3
      • Did he win? +10 - automatic fail, you fool.
    • Is he trained in one of the basic martial disciplines? 0
    • Is he trained in one of the advanced martial disciplines? +1
    • Is it one of the ones not designed for his build, i.e. a Seeker using tank-mech disciplines? +2
    • Is he trained in one of the expert martial disciplines? +3
      • Is it circuit-su? +1
        • Was he trained by Bugly? +2
      • Is it crystallocution? +1
        • Was he trained by Banzai-tron? +2
        • Is Banzai-tron his greatest rival? +3
      • Is it metallikato? +3
        • Was he trained by Bludgeon? +5
        • Does he have a feasible reason for Bludgeon not slicing him to ribbons? -1
    • Has he invented "his own style"? +1
      • Is it based on ancient martial disciplines? +2
      • Does it involve a code of honour? +3
      • Is this your character's most exploitable weakness? +4
      • His *only* exploitable weakness? +5
      • That everyone constantly exploits? -2
    • Does he know Earth-style martial disciplines? +1
      • Does he use them effectively against other Cybertronians? +2
      • Even though you know they're useless for that? +3

  • Does your character use Earth-type weapons? +1
    • Is his primary weapon a sword? +1
    • Does it have an energy mode? +2
    • Does it catch fire in power-up mode? +3
  • Is there a prophecy or curse attached to either your character or his sword? +2
  • Is it fulfilled at the climax of the story? +3
  • Does it involve:
    • Saving Cybertron? +1
    • Conquering Earth? +1
    • Supplanting Megatron? +2
    • Exterminating the Autobots in one move? +2
    • Destroying the Great Devourer? +3
    • Dieing with repulsive nobility and self-sacrifice? +4
    • Dieing with repulsive nobility and being resurrected by the end of the next chapter? +5 and consider yourself failed.

  • Was your character mentored or trained by:
    • Stranglehold? -1 for originality.
    • Bludgeon? +5 on top of the above - Bludgeon doesn't take being the only disciple of metallikato lightly.
    • A member of the High Command? +1
      • Shockwave? +2
      • Starscream? +2
        • Did Starscream train him in a hitherto-secret alien martial discipline? +3
      • Megatron? +3

  • Does this mentor/trainer consider your character to be his 'successor' and or newest 'rival'? +2 for each.

  • Does your character master his fighting style faster than a new-built war-mech? +1
  • Does he no-sell everything? +1
    • Even when it's Optimus Prime hitting him? +2
    • Even when it's the entire Autobot army hitting him? +3
  • Does he have a really bizarre power, like force reflection or kinetic repulsion? +1
  • Do you spend a lot of time explaining how it works? +2
    • With diagrams? +2
    • And computational data? +3
    • Would Needlenose enjoy this story because of all the circuit diagrams? +4 and go back to weapons research, you bore.

  • Is he an over-the-horizon sniper? +1
  • Can he hit orbital targets? +2
  • With an antimatter railgun? +3
  • Are you kidding anyone but yourself here?

    COMRADES, RIVALS AND ENEMIES:

  • What kinds of relationships does your character have with powerful or well-known Decepticons? Score for each well-known squad-leader or above mentioned.
    • I don't know him 0
    • I don't know who he is, even though he's a member of the High Command +1
    • I saw him fight in a battle 0
    • I saw him fight in an arena +1
    • I fought him in a battle +1
    • I fought him in an arena +2
    • I regularly spar with him +3
      • And win +4
    • He's an acquaintance 0
    • A friend +1
    • A comrade +2
    • A scapegoat and patsy +3
    • A friend since creation +4
    • I'd carry him off the battlefield +2
    • He'd carry me off the battlefield +3
    • He has carried me off the battlefield +4
    • He carried me off the battlefield and got shot for it +5; +6 if he was shot in the back by the Autobots; +7 if he died to save you.
    • A friendly rivalry +1
    • A friendly rivalry he's winning -1
    • A friendly rivalry that I'm winning +2
    • A bitter rivalry +3
    • A vengeful hatred +4
    • "One shall stand, one shall fall!" +5
    • He respects me for my incredible fighting prowess +6
    • He wants me to be his heir +7
    • He wants me to supplant Megatron +8 and get your brain-module examined.

  • We fought once and:
    • I lost 0
    • I lost, very badly -1
    • I lost, but it was a long time ago 0
    • I lost, very badly, a little while ago -2
    • I won +1
    • I won just now +2
    • I won just now and almost killed him +3
  • Double points if your character is fresh out of the factory.
  • Triple points if aliens made your character.
  • Quadruple points if humans made your character.

    TARGETS OF AFFECTION:

  • Does your character get romantically involved with an Autobot? +1
    • An Autobot commander? +2
    • A Dinobot? +3 and seek help.
    • Optimus Prime? +100 and seek help. For your own sake.

  • Does he persuade them to defect? +1
  • Does he persuade them to betray their comrades? +2
  • Does this win the War? +3

  • Does a powerful Decepticon fall for your character? +1
  • Does a powerful Decepticon pretend to fall for your character so he can use him to his own ends? 0
  • Does your character fall for a powerful Decepticon? +1
  • Does your character pretend to fall for a powerful Deception so he can use him to his own ends? +2
  • Does your character get involved with Skywarp? +1
    • Even though you know he's bonded? +2
    • And you had Thundercracker killed so your character could "console" Skywarp? +2 and watch your back.
  • Is it a member of the Monitor Council? +2
    • Of the High Command? +3
    • Starscream or Shockwave? +4
    • Megatron? +5
    • Are you mad?

  • Does more than one powerful Decepticon fall for your character? +1 for each.
    • Are they Starscream and Shockwave? +1
    • Starscream and Megatron? +2
  • Do they fight over him? +2
  • In public? +3
  • In the Command Chamber at Darkmount? +3
  • In the middle of directing a major offensive? +2
  • Does this cause a humungous foul-up in the battle plans? +2
  • Does your character have to go in alone to hold back the Autobots because of this? +3
  • Does he get killed? +4
  • Do the readers *wish* he'd been killed?
  • Is your character's most hated enemy in the army broken up into spare parts to repair him? +5
  • Does your character's target-of-choice bond with your character to save them from death? +5
  • Do they use his captured Autobot nemesis's life force to keep him alive, allowing him absorb his nemesis's power and return twice as powerful as before? +5
  • Are you aware this isn't actually possible?

  • Is your character rebuilt? +1
    • By the Constructicons? +2
    • Twice as powerful as before? +3
  • By Shockwave or Starscream? +3
  • By Megatron? +5
    • Is he made ten times more powerful than before? +10 and you can wish.

  • Does High Command think they've got the soldier of the future in your character? +1
  • Does Megatron treat your character like his successor? +2
  • Is your character named as his heir? +3
  • Is Starscream jealous? +1 for yes, +5 for no!
  • Does Starscream try to assassinate your character? +1
  • Does he fail? +2
  • Because Megatron defended your character? +3
  • Because your character defeated Starscream? +4
  • Does Megatron make him the new Air Commander? +4

    EARTH:

  • Does your character feel a mysterious bond with Earth? +1
    • With a particular organic species on earth? +1
    • Humans? +2
    • One after which his beast-style alt-mode is designed? +2
    • Can he mysteriously control or communicate with that species? +3

  • Does your character:
    • Listen to Earth-music? +1
      • Sing along with it? +2
      • Because it holds special meaning for him? +3
      • Because he "wants to remember"? +4
    • Watch Earth television or movies? +1
      • Quote Earth television or movies? +2
      • Quote Earth television or movies more than a Junkion? +3
      • Because he "wants to remember"? +4

  • Does he keep Earth-animals as pets? +2
  • Collect Earth-junk? +2
  • Speak Earth-languages? +1
    • Even to other Decepticons? +2
    • Even though he's never been to Earth? +3
    • Does he get beaten up for it? -1
  • Does he have human slaves? +3
    • Comrades? +4 and that's disgusting.
    • Does he use humans to make new troops? +5

    SCORING

  • If you scored more than 20, you've got a problem with your character.
  • If you scored more than 40, you've got a big problem with your character.
  • If you scored more than 60, you've got a problem.

Author's notes & addenda:
Feedback always welcomed.

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